Every single night the same arrangement
\nI go out and fight the fight<\/p>\n
Still, I always feel this strange estrangement
\nNothing here is real. Nothing here is right.<\/p>\n
I’ve been making shows of trading blows
\nJust hoping no one knows<\/p>\n
That I’ve been going through the motions
\nWalking through the part
\nNothing seems to penetrate my heart.<\/p>\n
I was always brave and kind of righteous
\nNow I find I’m wavering.<\/p>\n
Crawling out your grave you find this fight just
\nDoesn’t mean a thing. (She ain’t got that swing.)<\/p>\n
Thanks for noticing.<\/p>\n
(She does pretty well with fiends from hell,
\nbut lately we can tell<\/p>\n
That she’s just going through the motions
\nFaking it somehow
\nShe’s not even half the girl she… ow.)<\/p>\n
Will I stay this way forever?
\nSleepwalk through my life’s endeavor?
\n(How can I repay you –)
\nWhatever.<\/p>\n
I don’t wanna be<\/p>\n
Going through the motions
\nLosing all my drive.
\nI can’t even see if this is really me
\nand I just want to be<\/p>\n
Alive.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Every single night the same arrangement I go out and fight the fight Still, I always feel this strange estrangement Nothing here is real. Nothing here is right. I’ve been making shows of trading blows Just hoping no one knows That I’ve been going through the motions Walking through the part Nothing seems to penetrate […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":38,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p73iP8-Fq","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":395,"url":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=395","url_meta":{"origin":2568,"position":0},"title":"Truth, if not eloquence.","date":"9\/8\/2005","format":false,"excerpt":"A televised benefit shows how *affected* Kanye West is by the disasters in Katrina's wake, but not how *effective* he is as a spokesperson for the plight. Still, Kanye's obviously heart-felt rambling[.wmv, 4MB] is more easily identified with than Mike Myers' comparatively wooden, going-through-the-motions cue card reading. Hell, even Chris\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Ennui"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":213,"url":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=213","url_meta":{"origin":2568,"position":1},"title":"How do you say “noodles” and not sound stupid?","date":"10\/25\/2004","format":false,"excerpt":"So, this is a public apology to Czeltic Girl, who in the last few weeks has patiently withstood a hat trick of irrational complaining on my part. 1. Farscape. I got all uppity about her like\/dislike quotient of this show. The subject is forgettable and relatively insignificant, and my ire\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Self-service"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":793,"url":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=793","url_meta":{"origin":2568,"position":2},"title":"Guns of Summer","date":"7\/28\/2008","format":false,"excerpt":"Over the weekend, I spent most of my time doing something rather uncharacteristic of me. I fired firearms of various makes and models. No bullets, but lots of noise and smoke. It was a lot of fun. I have noticed that I want to entertain with my writing, so I\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Ennui"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":80,"url":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=80","url_meta":{"origin":2568,"position":3},"title":"A friend. A reader. A writer.","date":"3\/18\/2004","format":false,"excerpt":"Please welcome Tazja Lovecraft to your blogging experience. And as much as she supposedly is in awe of my blog, she's got way better material than I ever will. I know her a little. She's here. But soon, with any luck, she'll be here.","rel":"","context":"In "Found Art"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1031,"url":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=1031","url_meta":{"origin":2568,"position":4},"title":"Dream Journal: a thousand t-shirts","date":"7\/2\/2009","format":false,"excerpt":"I am at a fight camp, fighting outside with pool noodles. Many of my fight friends from my most recent excursion are there. Soon, I find myself needing to use the restroom. I enter the building to find it a colossal, mansion-like structure. The bathroom is no different, where troughs\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Dream Journal"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":617,"url":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=617","url_meta":{"origin":2568,"position":5},"title":"Dream Journal: Post-apocalypse film noir mystery","date":"12\/4\/2006","format":false,"excerpt":"She didn't look like she was having much fun with the greasy, tallow-looking guy with the meandering hands, but she was trying her best to keep up the act. I made my way through similar sweaty circumstances across the smoky -- thankfully dark -- bar, past congealing puddles of alcohol\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Dream Journal"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2568"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/38"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2568"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2568\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2570,"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2568\/revisions\/2570"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2568"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2568"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2568"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}