Today, I came of as a complete ass in my opinion to people whom I respect greatly. They are kind to me and listened as I talked about what amounts so heavily to White People Problems. I have many friends who I feel have to do this. When did I become so arrogant? My family thinks of me as a narcissist, who can’t stop talking about himself. Really, I’m just bored. most people’s lives are boring to me. Is that the same as being self-centered? Or is it simply a matter of being on the right-leaning end of the bell curve of human intelligence? Does that statement make me egotistical? Or sociopathic?<\/p>\n
I want to cure sources, not symptoms, so to hear someone drone on about their problems only prompts a response that probably seems less humane, even when it would do the most good. I don’t want people to settle for a life that makes them comfortable, but from my position I am safe from most of the aches that others live with. I am white, male, healthy, tall, well-liked, and, most of all, my wife makes enough money that I essentially never have to think about it.<\/p>\n
Hopefully, people recognize that I attempt to use that privilege to help as many people as I can, but I doubt that is what they see. I think they see softness and weakness instead of kindness and thoughtfulness. I miss my muse, but that is the one place I’m no longer able to go. The restrictions come from me, as much as anyone, but to know that the rest of my life is justification for my own comfort makes me cringe.<\/p>\n
Complacency. Compromise. Commitment. All the same word to me.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Today, I came of as a complete ass in my opinion to people whom I respect greatly. They are kind to me and listened as I talked about what amounts so heavily to White People Problems. I have many friends who I feel have to do this. When did I become so arrogant? 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Who would want their problems diminished? We are our problems. I am, I know. They say you cannot prove a negative, but I am proof.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Ennui"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":211,"url":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=211","url_meta":{"origin":2820,"position":1},"title":"Repairs underway.","date":"10\/25\/2004","format":false,"excerpt":"My apologies for the comment problems. I'm working on it today. For now, you can comment and when you see the error screen, just ignore it and hit your back button.","rel":"","context":"In "Self-service"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":606,"url":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=606","url_meta":{"origin":2820,"position":2},"title":"Yeah, baby… refinance my mortgage… just like that…","date":"10\/31\/2006","format":false,"excerpt":"These ads continue to get me all twisted. Can sex really sell in this case? How many of you ladies like to sit in a linen room in that sort of outfir while you research mortgage rates? This is not a True ad, which has its own problems. This -\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Ennui"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":247,"url":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=247","url_meta":{"origin":2820,"position":3},"title":"She is not her fucking khakis.","date":"2\/15\/2005","format":false,"excerpt":"Carolyn, who is a hardcore stuntchick, entered the Milwaukee Rumble this year and held her own. Next year, she'll win and I will get my participant badge. I have some apprehension about entering it, as I don't imagine I'll get out of there without a broken nose. 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It's been a long time since I have been allowed to use these skills as an actor, rather than a teacher or fight director. I hope I can impress. 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