From circumstance, I made a short appointment with the shrink yesterday and renewed my prescription for my SSRI. Is it irony that understanding how much the chemical imbalance in my brain affects my behavior somehow makes me less existential? That is, when I have my drug, which I know has only the minor effect of dampening the howl of the void within me, I feel more like I’m in control of my own destiny. When really, the bulwark of the drug simply stops the downward slide into the reality that is our meaningless existence and lets me enjoy the banal.<\/p>\n
Stranger and stranger.<\/p>\n
Still, if one must live a self-aware crumb on the unforgiving tabletop of the universe, one might as well enjoy it, no? Struggling against the concept that life only means enjoyment doesn’t change its truth.<\/p>\n
So, I’m enjoying the praise given o me from others today, even if their praise is meant for their own validation. I’m enjoying the sense of freedom that comes from having no appointments, even if I have a million niggling tasks to achieve. I’m enjoying the feeling that comes from anticipation of a great board game or tabletop role-playing experience, even if I know my expectations put such any actual joy beyond the threshold of possibility.<\/p>\n
Much love. Rational, cautious love.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
From circumstance, I made a short appointment with the shrink yesterday and renewed my prescription for my SSRI. Is it irony that understanding how much the chemical imbalance in my brain affects my behavior somehow makes me less existential? That is, when I have my drug, which I know has only the minor effect of […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":38,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p73iP8-Jz","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":469,"url":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=469","url_meta":{"origin":2825,"position":0},"title":"In the tradition of four things…","date":"1\/19\/2006","format":false,"excerpt":"...I bring you seven things. Brendan got it from Sherri, and they told a friend, and they told a friend, etc. Seven things I plan to do before I die: Be paid to pretend to be beat up. See other places than North America. Make my own sword. Write something\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Self-service"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":201,"url":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=201","url_meta":{"origin":2825,"position":1},"title":"More meme for your entertainment dollar.","date":"10\/4\/2004","format":false,"excerpt":"Czeltic Girl still has not done her \"About\" page. Then again, neither have I. We both did this list, though (credit: she did it first of us, and she found it at Vidiot's blog). 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I know that to most people this is nothing to write blogs about, but for me it was a fascinating experience. When I was a kid, pulling\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Self-service"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":349,"url":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=349","url_meta":{"origin":2825,"position":5},"title":"Bats Enjoy Diving at my Face","date":"7\/11\/2005","format":false,"excerpt":"Blatantly ripped off from the Dong Resin. You will enjoy this little foray into one man's nightmare. 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