In an effort to get myself on my own side, I decided on\u00c2\u00a0this journal prompt. Recently, I had a friend visit me, and we discussed into the night our feelings on becoming official experts in our craft. She is stronger-willed than I am, and thus more self-confident (or perhaps vice versa). She has no qualms about putting people in their place when they step over the line. Her skills are greater than mine, which she admits helps with that feeling, but she also gave reverence to my own considerable abilities in the field.<\/p>\n
I continued to mull it over, hoping that I would find some way to feel more secure, as I sometimes do, in the 20-plus year journey that has led me to this place, even when so many are willing to dismiss the craft as inessential, or even silly. Even I can recognize that, which makes it very difficult to find any solace there.<\/p>\n
One thing I settled on, however, was the notion that I did all this while mastering several other disciplines; that is, in the time it took me to become a recognized expert in the several different weapon styles in the stage combat organizations to which I belong, I also graduated summa cum laude with a degree in literary analysis, earned candidacy as\u00c2\u00a0an Equity-level actor, and learned several different coding languages for web and mobile applications. I also wrote a board game, filmed and edited a short film, and enriched my abilities in music and dance. I directed (for payment) several shows at rather large houses, and I became an expert in the performance of the First Folio Unrehearsed Shakespeare style. In short, I have grown.<\/p>\n
My best traits are my\u00c2\u00a0willingness to take on new challenges with an open mind and heart, and never to dismiss a person out of hand. I give everyone many chances to earn my respect, and even when they have lost it, I welcome in them the desire to make amends. I am forgiving of others, if not myself, and I am a person on whom my friends and colleagues can reply. I am discerning in my taste and steadfast in my core beliefs, but willing to take on new information and tolerant of others (at least, most of the time; no one’s perfect).<\/p>\n
So, when my therapist insists that I think of myself as a good person, a person of value, I will try henceforth not to categorize that as disingenuous, equitable, or compulsory, but as his assessment as a professional, even if his job is to build my self-esteem. Somewhere inside me, I know I am of value, or I would long since have ended my own life. I will continue to give more than I take, and hope that my contributions continue to be\u00c2\u00a0worthy.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
In an effort to get myself on my own side, I decided on\u00c2\u00a0this journal prompt. Recently, I had a friend visit me, and we discussed into the night our feelings on becoming official experts in our craft. She is stronger-willed than I am, and thus more self-confident (or perhaps vice versa). She has no qualms […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":38,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p73iP8-L6","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":2988,"url":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=2988","url_meta":{"origin":2920,"position":0},"title":"Journal prompt: Write the words you need to hear.","date":"10\/14\/2016","format":false,"excerpt":"People see the kindness in you, but don't think you're weak. You're the kind of director that every actor wants to work with, because you have vision, ambition, drive, and unrivaled ability. You've helped me so much. Thank you for putting things aside so that you could make my life\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Ennui"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":982,"url":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=982","url_meta":{"origin":2920,"position":1},"title":"Dream Journal: Pedro and Buffy","date":"5\/12\/2009","format":false,"excerpt":"A man named Pedro makes a second daring escape from a prison, breaking into a flat out sprint across a golf course-like lawn, lit by floodlights from all sides. As part of some kind of protest, I and my fellow Improv Everywhere compatriots mill about in similar clothing on the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Dream Journal"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2948,"url":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=2948","url_meta":{"origin":2920,"position":2},"title":"Good video games","date":"8\/15\/2016","format":false,"excerpt":"This is a journal prompt to make a list. So, here are 5\u00c2\u00a0video games to which I refer often when people ask me if video games are art (actually, they never ask that; they just ask what my favorites are. This is mostly in descending order of awesome. Mostly. Undertale\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Ennui"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":617,"url":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=617","url_meta":{"origin":2920,"position":3},"title":"Dream Journal: Post-apocalypse film noir mystery","date":"12\/4\/2006","format":false,"excerpt":"She didn't look like she was having much fun with the greasy, tallow-looking guy with the meandering hands, but she was trying her best to keep up the act. I made my way through similar sweaty circumstances across the smoky -- thankfully dark -- bar, past congealing puddles of alcohol\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Dream Journal"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2752,"url":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=2752","url_meta":{"origin":2920,"position":4},"title":"Don’t look back, only look.","date":"11\/19\/2015","format":false,"excerpt":"As part of my therapy for depression, my prescription has been to journal, workout, meditate, etc. That all makes scientific sense, even if it does become difficult to keep up with all the daily \"meds.\" The one prescription I have the most trouble with is seeking joy. I have always\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Ennui"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1836,"url":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=1836","url_meta":{"origin":2920,"position":5},"title":"Free write from May 2013","date":"7\/25\/2014","format":false,"excerpt":"I found this on my ipad in the pages app as I worked on the schedule for this week at the theater. Forgive repetitive content and misspellings. I did not edit. Just copy\/paste. ------- Why I decided to forego Shakespeare, just this once. Having played Caliban in a highly acclaimed\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Ennui"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2920"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/38"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2920"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2920\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2922,"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2920\/revisions\/2922"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2920"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2920"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2920"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}