I have been replacing meditation with video games and exercise with comfort food lately. As I know from… well, everyone and everything… this is common over the holidays and should be forgiven in one’s self. I would extend that courtesy to others, after all. The frustrating part is that I can remain disciplined for months at a time, checking off my daily list of things, and one month of depression and too many external needs will undo a year of work, both in mental stability and physical fitness. Why fight atrophy? My mind can find no rational response. 40 years old. Settled. Is there really any reason to do anything but wait to die? And isn’t that the most selfish thing? Living? Depleting resources that should belong to the young, the hopeful, and the ambitious?<\/p>\n
I read recently that testosterone kills men. If a man “lets himself go,” as it were, he stands a greater chance of living a longer life. Nature created men as drones. Women have all the complex inner workings because only they serve the natural imperative of reproduction, and thus men should, by their own genetic structure, not live beyond their years of reproductive value. No wonder men collapse under the strain of mid-life crises, like the one I have fought for the last five years, maybe ten. The higher suicide rate corresponds directly to the actual purpose of male life: create something or die. By any rational, philosophical standard of modern life, that creation can not be more people. The Earth, and indeed human society, will explode under the strain of any more useless people. How can anyone compel themselves to live knowing that it amounts to nothing more than an obsolete, biological impulse? Why should we accept and indulge that impulse and not the more hedonistic ones that would birth a new Caligula state?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I have been replacing meditation with video games and exercise with comfort food lately. As I know from… well, everyone and everything… this is common over the holidays and should be forgiven in one’s self. I would extend that courtesy to others, after all. The frustrating part is that I can remain disciplined for months […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":38,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p73iP8-MC","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":682,"url":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=682","url_meta":{"origin":3014,"position":0},"title":"Poem-a-Day #5","date":"11\/6\/2007","format":false,"excerpt":"Spenserian Sonnet for the Stepped-on Where generosity and kindness fail is only in the hearts of men maligned whose best defenses seem of no avail and leave them in a battered frame of mind But strength can best be found in all mankind Not in arms-length sorrow and travail Instead\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Poetry"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":174,"url":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=174","url_meta":{"origin":3014,"position":1},"title":"An open letter that will most certainly manufacture change.","date":"8\/9\/2004","format":false,"excerpt":"Dear Microsoft, I'll keep this simple: your browser sucks. 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Bruce Springsteen News: brucespringsteen.net","rel":"","context":"In "Ennui"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2805,"url":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=2805","url_meta":{"origin":3014,"position":3},"title":"Your Daily Digest: Poets and lovers","date":"12\/29\/2015","format":false,"excerpt":"In May, I finally get to fight on stage in a major production at the Skylight. It's been a long time since I have been allowed to use these skills as an actor, rather than a teacher or fight director. I hope I can impress. My skills are not flashy\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Ennui"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":521,"url":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=521","url_meta":{"origin":3014,"position":4},"title":"The only verdict…","date":"3\/8\/2006","format":false,"excerpt":"Bugger. My birthday is coming up. While I typically celebrate by relaxing and doing nothing or whatever comes to mind, I had my heart set this year on taking in a specific motion picture. V for Vendetta was announced some time last year, with the hopes that it would be\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Ennui"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":562,"url":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=562","url_meta":{"origin":3014,"position":5},"title":"Bill Murray better be a billionaire.","date":"5\/12\/2006","format":false,"excerpt":"They. are. making. a. sequel. to. that. Garfield. movie. Hey Hollywood. The next time an idea like this crosses your mind and you decide to invest all kinds of cash, send me $50,000 instead and I'll talk you out of it. I'll be a millionaire in three days. Garfield's A\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Ennui"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3014"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/38"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3014"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3014\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3015,"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3014\/revisions\/3015"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3014"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3014"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3014"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}