{"id":317,"date":"2005-05-13T09:34:26","date_gmt":"2005-05-13T14:34:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=317"},"modified":"2005-05-13T09:34:26","modified_gmt":"2005-05-13T14:34:26","slug":"too-right-too-wrong","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=317","title":{"rendered":"Too right. Too wrong."},"content":{"rendered":"

Last night, MHG and I were up late (she worked until 3a.m., God bless her) working on her online store. As we searched Da Web for images, we came across a Magic: the Gathering card with a little picture of Isaac<\/a> from the Love Boat on it. This prompted me to intone The Love Boat theme song repeatedly in my brain as I stumblingly made our bacon and eggs.<\/p>\n

In some yet unjustified leap of subject matter, my brain then skipped to singing “I’m burnin’, I’m burnin’, I’m burnin’ for you.” I haven’t any idea which artist created the song, nor what the song is actually called, but there it was like Big Bird crossing the street against the lights, unexpected and unavoidable.<\/p>\n

As though to make it up to me, my brain tried to turn it into a joke. To this end it made the giant leap of changing the lyric to “I’m Vernon, I’m Vernon, etc.” Apart from the brief vision of Charo shaking and singing the song in her trilling soprano, this was not the comedy goldmine that my dreaming self seemed to think it was. So, I tried to apply my vast intellect to the problem.<\/p>\n

The best I came up with was to write a punk song called “I’m your Vernon Jordan.” A love song, you see, with a bridge section that is a cover of the aforementioned shitty song. Better than my first idea of an internet meme flash movie of Uncle Vernon from the Harry Potter movies doing a little 4 frame dance<\/a> with a dislocated-looking jaw.<\/p>\n

I’m your Vernon Jordan<\/i> by punk band Killdumpster
\n(with apologies,since I have almost no real knowledge of the problem surrounding him)<\/p>\n

You’re in the spotlight
\nArkansas’ hot nights
\nYou need someone to get you outta the fire<\/p>\n

Got a dispute over land
\nBaby just take my hand
\n‘Cause I’m your well-respected, perjury-lovin’ liar!<\/p>\n

Let me be your Vernon Jordan!
\nLet me tell the truth accordin’ to what’s best for you!
\nLet me be your Vernon Jordan!<\/p>\n

I’m Vernon, I’m Vernon, I’m Vernon for you!<\/p>\n

—<\/p>\n

Something like that. I never said it would be good.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Last night, MHG and I were up late (she worked until 3a.m., God bless her) working on her online store. As we searched Da Web for images, we came across a Magic: the Gathering card with a little picture of Isaac from the Love Boat on it. This prompted me to intone The Love Boat […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":38,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p73iP8-57","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":68,"url":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=68","url_meta":{"origin":317,"position":0},"title":"Maybe I’d go back to school and major in something foolish","date":"3\/9\/2004","format":false,"excerpt":"I'm making my first merch. A t-shirt it will be, with the simple declaration on the front, \"Jesus was a Jew.\" Any person offended by this, anyone who says anything besides \"Nice shirt\" or something similar, would be revealing themselves for the brain-void that they are. \"What are you saying?\"\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Ennui"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":146,"url":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=146","url_meta":{"origin":317,"position":1},"title":"A meme by any other name would be somewhat less appropriate.","date":"6\/15\/2004","format":false,"excerpt":"YES. YES. YES. Alanis Morrissette wrote me a song. \"I Think\" I Think cars are really a huge problem I Think pedestrians are too much on my mind I Think lights have got a lot to do with why the world sucks But what can you do? Like a green\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Link Larceny"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":396,"url":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=396","url_meta":{"origin":317,"position":2},"title":"Why I haven’t landed that job at the UN.","date":"9\/9\/2005","format":false,"excerpt":"While reading mimismartypants -- who gives herself too much grief for gushing about her incredibly cool daughter -- I came across this link: History of the Pi\u00f1ata, By Wendy Devlin in MEXICO CONNECT Now, I wasn't all that interested in the theories the website posed, but I did have a\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Best of the Buddha"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":198,"url":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=198","url_meta":{"origin":317,"position":3},"title":"Not enough RAM.*","date":"9\/29\/2004","format":false,"excerpt":"I'm sitting at work, possibly the Sneeziest Place on Earth, and as I'm approaching the end of a work-related email composition, the vast majority of which end in \"Thanks, Christopher,\" a co-worker lets forth a mighty ka-choo. As I am wont to do and as etiquette would dictate, I issue\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Self-service"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":743,"url":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=743","url_meta":{"origin":317,"position":4},"title":"I’m no giant.","date":"6\/2\/2008","format":false,"excerpt":"Giants come and giants go and they leave their mark on the foot-filled snow I follow, losing faith as I go I can't fill the holes where my feet should go Going nowhere, leaving nothing, doing nothing wrong but I'm not giving all there is to give still I do\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Found Art"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":698,"url":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=698","url_meta":{"origin":317,"position":5},"title":"Ideal breakfast conversation.","date":"12\/10\/2007","format":false,"excerpt":"7:30 a.m. Me: Could you find me a pair of socks? She: *sigh* You have socks in a bag in the living room. Me: (playfully) You're going to be in a bag in the living room. She: What does that mean? Me: I suppose it means I'm going to chop\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Ennui"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/317"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/38"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=317"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/317\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=317"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=317"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=317"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}