{"id":493,"date":"2006-02-08T12:53:57","date_gmt":"2006-02-08T17:53:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=493"},"modified":"2006-02-08T14:29:17","modified_gmt":"2006-02-08T19:29:17","slug":"reunited-but-not-really","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=493","title":{"rendered":"Reunited. But not really."},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s been 10 years (nearly 11, actually) since I was a high school student. In March, I am meant to attend my ten-year high school reunion. I even helped make a website<\/a> to that effect. But to what end these reunions?<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

The good things about high school I have mostly taken with me as I crawled forward with my life. I stayed in town and commuted to college with my best friend from high school, assisted with the yearbook that my mentor ran at the school, became head coach and director of the fencing program, continued to write fantasy stories, mosty kept in contact with the people with whom I was close. I do miss some people, but we drifted apart and there must be a reason for that.<\/p>\n

So why attend? To show off that I am dubiously successful? I’m not proud of much of what I do and my path toward something more fulfilling will seem frivolous and unrealistic at first blush. To hope that people I dislike have fallen on their faces? I’m not really the type to gloat over others’ failures, nor to grieve them; I’m as apathetic to these people now as I was then. To learn how many people knew that Amy Bosman<\/a> fell off her balcony mysteriously in Chicago and how many people went to her funeral? I can live with the curiosity.<\/p>\n

Nostalgia is really not possible for me in this regard. But regret… I do have my regrets.<\/p>\n

I should have joined drama club and not worried so much that many of them participated in elicit activities. I should have stayed in contact with certain people, should have asked certain girls out; I really wasn’t fat or unappealing. I should have done more to stay with my first girlfriend. I should have apologized to Julie Schultz when she innocently asked me something in Math Analysis and I snapped at her without reason, only to watch her genuinely sweet face fall more than I thought I could ever affect anyone. I should have been a better friend to K, though that was after high school.<\/p>\n

But can I really make things right with a cursory conversation over drinks? Is closure a good motivation to attend? I was once gregarious and unaffected. Now I have a little more shame, a little more self-awareness and a lot more bitterness. Starting conversations with these people who will assume so much based on who I was and how I appear now just seems daunting and unrewarding. Am I likely to form new friendships or rekindle old ones?<\/p>\n

Were I single, I doubt I’d even be questioning this, actually. Sad but true, I’d be relishing the opportunity to meet with old flames, even if it only ended in a sweaty excursion to the women’s bathroom. I’ve never been one to talk up my accomplishments, particularly when I view them as simply my job. Nor do I think it will be fun to feign interest in people who are now strangers while I watch them feign interest in me. I must deal with that enough already. Without the possibility of indiscretion, I’ve got little motivation at all.<\/p>\n

Maybe this coding thing really has made me anti-social. All the more reason to knock it off.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It’s been 10 years (nearly 11, actually) since I was a high school student. In March, I am meant to attend my ten-year high school reunion. I even helped make a website to that effect. But to what end these reunions?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":38,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p73iP8-7X","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":26,"url":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=26","url_meta":{"origin":493,"position":0},"title":"School of Rock, this is not.","date":"1\/16\/2004","format":false,"excerpt":"Despite my paltry skills as a musician, it seems that I may be playing drum set for a show coming up this week in Kenosha. Tremper High School, my alma mater, is putting on the show and they find themselves suddenly in need of the rock that only the Buddha\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Self-service"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":188,"url":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=188","url_meta":{"origin":493,"position":1},"title":"Ideas Happen: Good Title.","date":"9\/16\/2004","format":false,"excerpt":"This kid got $25,000. Meanwhile, I can't pay my rent. God bless America. Before you start with me, Alice, look at the kid. He is obviously latching onto political ideals, writing \"rebel\" work against \"society\" all while getting the added benefit of being the kid in high school who gets\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Ennui"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":384,"url":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=384","url_meta":{"origin":493,"position":2},"title":"Do you feel violated?","date":"9\/2\/2005","format":false,"excerpt":"Sorry for those of you who had to set your cookie to get in lately. I'm playing CYA with the number of high school students who might get here accidentally while trying to find the info for the fencing program. You'd think they'd teach subdomains and directories in high school,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Ennui"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1342,"url":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=1342","url_meta":{"origin":493,"position":3},"title":"Fight shows I’m working on right now","date":"4\/1\/2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Then ZOO STORY, Marquette University MR. MARMALADE, Splinter Group LEND ME A TENOR, Kettle Moraine High School MADAM'S BEEN MURDERED, TEA WILL BE LATE, \u00c2\u00a0West Allis Players ROMEO AND JULIET, Homestead High School Now SKIN TIGHT, Mercury Players PHAEDRA'S LOVE, Luminous Theatre FORTUNA THE TIMEBENDER VS. THE SCHOOLGIRLS OF DOOM,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Ennui"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":117,"url":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=117","url_meta":{"origin":493,"position":4},"title":"And speaking of humour from long ago.","date":"4\/29\/2004","format":false,"excerpt":"Hand-delivered by Czelticgirl is this little ol' piece of greatness written by Harvey Pekar about Bill Hicks. Doesn't get much better than that, folks. Am I the only one who thinks that Bill Hicks' entire collection should be given to every high school student upon graduation?","rel":"","context":"In "Link Larceny"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":471,"url":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=471","url_meta":{"origin":493,"position":5},"title":"Where have I been? Where haven’t I?","date":"11\/14\/2007","format":false,"excerpt":"Fifteen years ago. I was just 15, starting along a path which is only now revealing itself to me. I don't remember what caught my attention exactly, I remember only the uncomfortable chair in the high school library, the doubt and insecurity and the strangers' eyes trying to discern my\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Best of the Buddha"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/493"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/38"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=493"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/493\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=493"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=493"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=493"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}