I attempted to write this into a funny story, but I find the screenplay version to be so compelling as to render any retelling feeble. So, I now present The Weirdness of my Workplace – Part One<\/i>.<\/p>\n
INT. OFFICE
\n[An over-designed cubicle seen from the entrance. A man’s back is silhouetted against the glow of a computer screen. From off-camera someone speaks.]<\/p>\n
Voice of TM: Hey buddy, what’s happening?<\/p>\n
Man at Computer (SB): (closes tab of non-work related item and hurriedly removes ear buds) Hello? Oh hey, nothing much. How are you doing?<\/p>\n
TM: Fine, fine. Listen, what size shoe do you wear?<\/p>\n
SB: Um.<\/p>\n
TM: I know it’s a weird question.<\/p>\n
SB: 12-13, depending on the shoe, I guess.<\/p>\n
TM: Cool. Can I borrow your shoes?<\/p>\n
[cut to SB’s face. Voice-over of internal monologue.]<\/p>\n
SB (voiceover): Why does he want to borrow my shoes? Is this some kind of prank? Maybe he needs them for a photo shoot or something. But this guy is known for having lots of different cool pairs of shoes; why does he want my cheap-ass skate shoes? I really don’t mind lending them to him, but my feet have been pretty sweaty lately. But we know each other pretty well. Jesus, what do I say?<\/p>\n
SB: Sure, I guess. (looks at TM’s feet) <\/p>\n
[cut to TM’s feet. He is wearig only dark socks. Cut back to conversation.]<\/p>\n
SB: Why don’t you have any shoes?<\/p>\n
TM: I loaned them to JV.<\/p>\n
SB: Oh. (pause) Why… exactly did you do that?<\/p>\n
TM: Well, I wasn’t going to need mine.<\/p>\n
SB: Ah. And why did he?<\/p>\n
TM: He tore the soles of his this morning and considering the weather, he needed to have shoes to go get some replacements. My plans to run errands were cancelled, so I let him borrow mine.<\/p>\n
SB: So, then… why do you need shoes?<\/p>\n
TM: Turns out the weather is looking a little better, and my plans are back on.<\/p>\n
SB: Oh, OK. Well, I hope they fit.<\/p>\n
TM: Yep, thanks!<\/p>\n
[JR’s head pops up over the cubicle wall.]<\/p>\n
JR: Seems like a pretty flimsy excuse to support your shoe fetish, man.<\/p>\n
[Cut to black. TITLES: The Weirdness of my Workplace.]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I attempted to write this into a funny story, but I find the screenplay version to be so compelling as to render any retelling feeble. So, I now present The Weirdness of my Workplace – Part One. INT. OFFICE [An over-designed cubicle seen from the entrance. A man’s back is silhouetted against the glow of […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":38,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[8,2],"tags":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p73iP8-8d","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":223,"url":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=223","url_meta":{"origin":509,"position":0},"title":"Another conversation between kings.","date":"11\/11\/2004","format":false,"excerpt":"Steelbuddha: Huzzah! SB: Gary Coleman with a voice bubble saying \"Huzzah!\" makes me laugh. Bjorn Nelson: has that happened? SB: It has. Right here on my IM. BN: but is it tangible? SB: It's amenable. BN: man, photoshop that shiite SB:Direct Instant Message session started BN: hahaha SB: Good times.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Best of the Buddha"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":64,"url":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=64","url_meta":{"origin":509,"position":1},"title":"With want for material…","date":"3\/8\/2004","format":false,"excerpt":"..I post this here edited IM conversation I had with the Mighty Research Girl herself, Czelticgirl. CG: I liked Mario 'coz it was slow. And you could get extra lives really easily. SB: Well, you can claim superiority there. I suck it up at that game to this day. I\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Found Art"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":95,"url":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=95","url_meta":{"origin":509,"position":2},"title":"limos and clowns","date":"4\/6\/2004","format":false,"excerpt":"TL: NO! Limos are scary. Like clown limos. *shudder* SB: Um...bwa? Ok then. TL: bwa? SB: Clown limos? bwa? SB: It's just the sound, not an acronym. TL: gotcha. TL: Brothers With Attitude TL: Buddha Walking Airedales SB: Which is one of the new road signs you'll be seeing. TL:\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Found Art"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":149,"url":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=149","url_meta":{"origin":509,"position":3},"title":"In order to be a blogger, in order to have IM, one must discuss Gmail. So it is written. So shall it be done.","date":"6\/23\/2004","format":false,"excerpt":"Apart from this, my day's been crap. SB: What's this Gmail everyone's so crazy over? CG: Google's e-mail service. Searchable. 1000MB of storage. SB: And this is free? CG: Yup. SB: I haven't any need of it so far as I can tell. CG: Yeah, but it's the cool kids'\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Ennui"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":158,"url":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=158","url_meta":{"origin":509,"position":4},"title":"She said “bra talk” was ok.","date":"7\/2\/2004","format":false,"excerpt":"An IM with Alfalfa Martini reveals what little boys are made of. AM: so, should i see spiderman? SB: Yup. AM: are you sure? SB: Yup. AM: 'cause I don't want to go and see some half-assed attempt at a movie SB: Are you baiting me? AM: uhhh.....no comment. AM:\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Found Art"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":38,"url":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=38","url_meta":{"origin":509,"position":5},"title":"Why I need less spare time.","date":"1\/29\/2004","format":false,"excerpt":"(With apologies to smaller people). An IM with Czelticgirl about this yielded the following regrettable conversation: SB: Seems like exploitation. \"Look at the freaks! they have different genetic makeup!\" CG: Look at the freaks try to get a date! SB: And midget porn sales WILL spike. I guarantee CG: Just\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Best of the Buddha"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/509"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/38"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=509"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/509\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=509"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=509"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=509"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}