{"id":686,"date":"2007-11-08T16:50:33","date_gmt":"2007-11-08T21:50:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=686"},"modified":"2007-11-08T16:50:33","modified_gmt":"2007-11-08T21:50:33","slug":"i-wonder-what-it-means","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=686","title":{"rendered":"I wonder what it means…"},"content":{"rendered":"

… but at least I am writing again. I think my prose has always been stronger than my poetry, but both need the exercise. This feels inspired by American Psycho<\/em>, but it really just came out of nothing.<\/p>\n

—<\/p>\n

You wake up because your head has a heartbeat. The throbbing gives you unnatural awareness at this hour. Dawn. And last night was only moments ago. On the floor of her dingy hotel room, you find needles and other remnants of illicit drugs. And her body, used up like the condoms that have become throw rugs across the rust-colored carpet.<\/p>\n

You cough twice, a burn in your throat sharpens you again. You prowl the room, a pomade jaguar, silent and filled with purpose. They will never know you were here.<\/p>\n

Her purse is empty, its contents splayed like an autopsy across the grimy bathroom counter. There. A gaudy cell phone strangled by a stray hair. You nearly gag as you pinch the hair between your fingers and flush it. The phone goes into your pocket.<\/p>\n

Beore you step out into the quiet hallway, you remove your shoes and carry them. Your feet are cold on the stone back stairs. The shoes go into the incinerator. For a moment, you can smell her blood burn from your soles and the familiar urges surface. But now is a shower. Now you need to go to your job.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

… but at least I am writing again. I think my prose has always been stronger than my poetry, but both need the exercise. This feels inspired by American Psycho, but it really just came out of nothing. — You wake up because your head has a heartbeat. The throbbing gives you unnatural awareness at […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":38,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p73iP8-b4","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":746,"url":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=746","url_meta":{"origin":686,"position":0},"title":"Walken strikes again!","date":"4\/28\/2008","format":false,"excerpt":"I had the good fortune of stumbling across a beautiful Christopher Walken sketch at my hotel room for my cousin's wedding on Saturday. Here, my friends: drink in Walken's magnificence. It makes me giggle with glee. Any man who can do an entire show for people just reading from cue-cards\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Found Art"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":982,"url":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=982","url_meta":{"origin":686,"position":1},"title":"Dream Journal: Pedro and Buffy","date":"5\/12\/2009","format":false,"excerpt":"A man named Pedro makes a second daring escape from a prison, breaking into a flat out sprint across a golf course-like lawn, lit by floodlights from all sides. As part of some kind of protest, I and my fellow Improv Everywhere compatriots mill about in similar clothing on the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Dream Journal"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":416,"url":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=416","url_meta":{"origin":686,"position":2},"title":"…","date":"11\/2\/2005","format":false,"excerpt":"Not Ready Yet - eels There\u2019s a world outside And I know \u2019cause I\u2019ve heard talk In my sweetest dream I would go out for a walk But I don\u2019t think I\u2019m ready yet I\u2019m not feeling up to it now Just not that steady yet And I don\u2019t need\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Ennui"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":617,"url":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=617","url_meta":{"origin":686,"position":3},"title":"Dream Journal: Post-apocalypse film noir mystery","date":"12\/4\/2006","format":false,"excerpt":"She didn't look like she was having much fun with the greasy, tallow-looking guy with the meandering hands, but she was trying her best to keep up the act. I made my way through similar sweaty circumstances across the smoky -- thankfully dark -- bar, past congealing puddles of alcohol\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Dream Journal"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2577,"url":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=2577","url_meta":{"origin":686,"position":4},"title":"from The Last Five Years","date":"1\/11\/2015","format":false,"excerpt":"NOBODY NEEDS TO KNOW Hey, kid. Good morning. You look like an angel. I don't remember when we fell asleep. We should get up, kid. Cathy is waiting... Look at us, lying here Dreaming, pretending I made a promise, and I took a vow, I wrote a story And we\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Ennui"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":558,"url":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=558","url_meta":{"origin":686,"position":5},"title":"And I get the big piece of chicken.","date":"5\/9\/2006","format":false,"excerpt":"This week will be occupied solely with completion of a documentary DVD that I'm editing for my fencing students. As such, I have moved my workstation into the living room, partially to remove the temptation to sit and play World of Warcraft instead. Evolution of a Living Room","rel":"","context":"In "For the geek in you"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/686"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/38"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=686"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/686\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=686"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=686"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=686"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}