If I said, “This may not last for long.”
\nIf I said, “I have my doubts.”
\nIf I said I’ve lost myself within
\nI want to search without<\/p>\n
If I left and you were wounded
\nIf I had to say goodbye
\nIf I made the choice to live for me
\nIs your heart obliged to die?<\/p>\n
Does it matter that I love you
\nand will while I still breathe?
\nAnd the distance was the impetus
\nbehind my choice to leave?<\/p>\n
Not miles away but further
\nwhile lying hand in hand
\nIt always was the space between
\nand never was the land<\/p>\n
If I said, “I must stay firm here.”
\nIf I said, “It is too late.”
\nDoes that mean that I gave up too soon?
\nAnd how long should I wait?<\/p>\n
If the shoe were on the other foot
\nIf it were you, not me
\nWould your terms be more acceptable?
\nWould you pay a lesser fee?<\/p>\n
I cannot ask my questions now.
\nI dare not plead my case.
\nFor while I feel I must move on
\nI dread your fallen face.<\/p>\n
And while I mourn you in my way
\nYou are not dead at all
\nNot in my heart, not in my mind
\nNot in the scent of fall<\/p>\n
I am not over you, my love
\nAnd I may never be
\nBut while we are together bound
\nI feel we’re never free<\/p>\n
You will not say when I offend
\nand it seems that’s all I do
\nAnd I remain eager to see
\nthat better part of you.<\/p>\n
Instead we live our mundane lives
\nfrom day to bitter day
\nwe swap some stories to ignore
\nhow fast we slip away<\/p>\n
You think I am not hurting here
\nYou think my heart is light
\nYou think that when the chips were down
\nI was too weak to fight<\/p>\n
Perhaps I am a coward or
\nPerhaps I have no shame
\nPerhaps I’m self-destructive
\nPerhaps I am to blame<\/p>\n
But, now. From this perspective
\nWe’re seeing things anew
\nForgive me if I still believe
\nIt was the thing to do.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
If I said, “This may not last for long.” If I said, “I have my doubts.” If I said I’ve lost myself within I want to search without If I left and you were wounded If I had to say goodbye If I made the choice to live for me Is your heart obliged to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":38,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[10],"tags":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p73iP8-eb","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":553,"url":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=553","url_meta":{"origin":879,"position":0},"title":"Better than a sitcom.","date":"5\/4\/2006","format":false,"excerpt":"This morning, I woke up slightly before my 7a.m. alarm. When this happens, I roll over and press up against my girlfriend. Her skin is always slightly warmer and softer than mine, so she makes a fine body pillow. Some call this behavior \"spooning.\" The issue with \"spooning,\" as the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Best of the Buddha"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":775,"url":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=775","url_meta":{"origin":879,"position":1},"title":"Matters of the heart.","date":"7\/15\/2008","format":false,"excerpt":"Today, in the Potbelly line, my friend and ex-boss Travis asked me about the upcoming change in location for Clare and me. Would we be staying together? How would that work? I answered honestly that I did not know. I know we are not breaking up, but the future is\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Best of the Buddha"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2676,"url":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=2676","url_meta":{"origin":879,"position":2},"title":"Hunter S. Thompson on floating and swimming","date":"6\/16\/2015","format":false,"excerpt":"April 22, 1958 57 Perry Street New York City Dear Hume, You ask advice: ah, what a very human and very dangerous thing to do! For to give advice to a man who asks what to do with his life implies something very close to egomania. To presume to point\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Ennui"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":53,"url":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=53","url_meta":{"origin":879,"position":3},"title":"Where would we be without Czelticgirl?","date":"2\/19\/2004","format":false,"excerpt":"Brilliance comes in many forms. With the virulent nature of the internet, we are lucky enough in this era to have access to it in large amounts. If we can be said to have short attention spans, then we can counter with pride that our brains are so inundated with\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Link Larceny"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":74,"url":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=74","url_meta":{"origin":879,"position":4},"title":"Movie Review: Johnny English","date":"3\/15\/2004","format":false,"excerpt":"As my first Netflix choice, I think it's fitting that it also be the first full review of a movie that I have written. From the promotional trailers, Johnny English looks to be another doof-in-position-of-undeserved-power movie, a remake of The Tuxedo or The Man Who Knew Too Little. Like the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Too Little Too Late Reviews"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2867,"url":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/?p=2867","url_meta":{"origin":879,"position":5},"title":"For what am I grateful?","date":"3\/22\/2016","format":false,"excerpt":"She said \u00e2\u20ac\u201d to her, but I heard it \u00e2\u20ac\u201d \"Some people would love to have to make that choice.\" Deflections followed, the necessary defense. Who would want their problems diminished? We are our problems. I am, I know. They say you cannot prove a negative, but I am proof.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Ennui"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/879"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/38"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=879"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/879\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":880,"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/879\/revisions\/880"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=879"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=879"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.steelbuddha.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=879"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}