My friend, Ricky Gervais, and I are visiting a cherry orchard with some very salt-of-the-earth people, who invite us to lunch in their barn-like open eating area. As we chat and eat, I notice that the place is also my apartment.<\/p>\n
Ricky is wearing a shirt which is completely black, but which is also completely yellow and covered in some black hand-made lettering spelling out some phrase that I mentioned to him was indicative of our friendship.<\/p>\n
As a prank on the people of the orchard, Ricky has sealed something in a brown packing envelope. He opens it to reveal a vaguely face-hugger-y thing which immediately begins to screech and squiggle out of his grasp to skitter along the ground.<\/p>\n
Eventually I catch the thing by stabbing it with a large fork, I fling it into my kitchen sink and cram parts of it into the garbage disposal and switch it on. The thing seemingly dies, but to be sure, I continue to force feed it into the in-sink-erator. Somehow the device is actually beneath the opening, though, and it slides to one side, allowing the creature to fall partially into the cabinet beneath the sink. Meanwhile, Ricky is laughing his characteristic, high-pitched cackle.<\/p>\n
As I continue to struggle with the monster, I begin to yell at my friend Ricky for thinking this would be a funny prank to pull. He’s having none of it. After a brief spat, he makes for the door. I yank the rest of the creature out of the sink and shove the remains back into the package, yelling, “Well, you’re taking this with you.”<\/p>\n
As he reaches the outer door of my apartment, I see the words on his t-shirt and am suddenly moved. He’s not the sort to wear anything but black, but he is wearing this homemade shirt with our phrase on it. I apologize, we hug, he leaves.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
My friend, Ricky Gervais, and I are visiting a cherry orchard with some very salt-of-the-earth people, who invite us to lunch in their barn-like open eating area. As we chat and eat, I notice that the place is also my apartment. 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