And for my next trick, I will pay my rent!
I wrote my own horoscope for me:
Pisces: The opportunities keep rolling in, and from the strangest places. Try not to get too wrapped up in all the fame and success, and do not accept bags of glowy green worms from strange old men. While your finances may be on their way to a deep black, the stress from all the work may have you seeing red.* Your blog-readers may seem to have abandoned you; to earn them back, approach your blog with abandon.** While you may now be in the position of expert in most things in your life, do not forget that as a teacher, you also learn. Your lucky number is 4, and your girlfriend’s going to give you awesome celebratory sex when she finds out you got two new jobs in one day, especially since you’re wearing that hot shirt and tie combo.
* – Hot damn. Step aside, Jean. That’s some clever shit.
** – See that? Parallelism. That’s skill.