Either Amazon has hit rock-bottom and is now looking for help from a higher power, or they have an entirely inflated opinion of me (and all other Christophers to whom they sell).

Tonight, in lieu of watching Spider-Man 2 in theaters (NOW!), which the more perceptive among you may have guessed has my undivided anticipation, I shall find this more cinematic and epic version of the film, made by a lesser known but much more tender hand in the director’s chair.

But first, let us all give out a celebratory hoot, as … Finally… the BUDDHA! will go back! to Master Chay’s Tae Kwon Do class! (Linus, you may be the only one to recognize the source of that imitative and overly punctuated announcement.) I have been away from class since testing for my high brown belt over a month ago, due to constant pressure from work, among other less demanding pursuits. My return has been heralded in the stars and now the time is nigh.

I do not usually allow my blog to become endorsement for products in specific. I like more to move people toward betterment in the way that the Buddha might. That’s why I feel comfortable, nay *compelled*, to recommend Gyneflex.

Not only is the product itself engineered for maximum effect while not offending a lady’s sensibilities, but the language is discrete and unhumiliating, while remaining frank about its subject matter*.

I’ve never been so impressed with a product, and I truly, truly believe that this new invention will change your life for the better. It’s already changed mine.

*- Ok, I modified that one a bit.

Part I: Out of curiosity, I went to Clear Channel’s website to look at their policies on radio decency. Clicking on the first link I saw on the subject, the clearly marked “Radio: Broadcast Decency” PDF link on the home page, I immediately downloaded their PDF on rules and regulations for their radio stations.

Part II: Mac OS X sometimes applies strange icons to downloads that it doesn’t immediately recognize. I had just recently installed Return to Castle Wolfenstein for some faux – WWII action at work.

Results of this (perhaps-preordained) chain of events? A PDF about Clear Channel’s decency requirements with a wonderfully fascist icon alighted on my desktop. Oh RAPTURE.

A wonderful little ditty brought to you by the number Czelticgirl and the letter Steelbuddha.

CG: Wow. I got e-mail from Moses telling me he called and asking why I didn’t call back.
SB: See? The jews are right.
CG: Then he tried to sell me porn. Bad Moses.
SB: God wants you to have porn!
SB: Ask Jimmy Swaggart.
CG: Yeah, but it’s bad webcam porn.
CG: God would want better for me.

The world’s first real supervillain* explodes onto the scene. In true villain fashion, he planted a corpse at the crime scene to throw off the scent. Probably his henchman inside anyway.

(pulls off glasses) Oh dear God. (opens buttoned shirt revealing symbol of superheroliness) Buddha of Steel, AWAY!

Also, if you’ve read Syrup by Maxx Barry, then Lionel Goldstein in this article about DDR might remind you of Six, Scat, @, and good ol’ Sneaky Pete.

* other than Bush and his cabinet.

You should absorb Jello Biafra’s words before you vote. When you vote, at least be informed.

He’d probably be pissed that I, the web geek, recommended buying his stuff from Amazon.

It’ll be a few more days before I’m motivated to make my heralded WordPress jump, so for now, enjoy this little piece of limited vocabulary poetry that my spammers forwarded to me.

Our beautiful clock stinks.
A given odd shaped recycle bin snores and still her stupid table prepare for fight.
Mine bluish caw smiles.
Any noisy spoon stares.
His red smart glasses lies at the place that any white round printer stares.
The silver car got an idea while the round-shaped odd shaped mp3 player calculates while a beautiful spoon run.
Any given bluish expensive bluish bra smells.
Any slopy bed falls.
A given purple expensive little gun stares.
Her daughters shining odd shaped sofa got an idea and still his well-crafted gun show its value and still a tall magazine calms-down.
Whose round-shaped slopy baby makes sound.
Our purple car show its value.
Their stupid kitchen snores.
The silver little bicycle calms-down.
Her daughters round-shaped wine fidgeting.
Any green expensive silver ram got an idea.
Her daughters hairy bed is thinking.
Any golden stupid gun stinks.
A white balloon smells.
His beautiful round-shaped little balloon is on fire !
at the place that their purple hairy forg stares.

An IM between Czelticgirl and Steelbuddha regarding the tragedy known as Fred Durst’s blog, in which Czelticgirl does all the work.

SB: Is that actually Fred Durst’s blog? Or did I just fall for it?
CG: Sure looks like his blog when you click on the link. God, it’s terrible. Oh, man. The spelling is making me twitch.
SB:With MIDI!
CG: He lists one of his areas of expertise as “thinking”
SB: That is TOO fucking FUNNY. “Take it for granite.” My 13-year old brother has better sense.
CG: This is worse than terrible. It’s… well… I don’t have a superlative enough adjective for it’s awfulness. Though “frightening” springs to mind.
SB: Appalling. Wretched. Evil in its stupidity. Gets under your skin like a fucking chigger.
CG: Except without the blood-sucking dignity of the chigger.

Some of the better lyrics from one of the better songs I’ve heard in recent years. Fountains of Wayne writes some good tunes. Big thanks to Czelticgirl for recommending them.

Is that supposed to be your poker face
Or was someone run over by a train
And you were minding your own business
But you’re begging for forgiveness just the same

And now you’re leaving New York
For no better place