Do you know Bill Hicks? You really should. You know that comedian that you idolize, whose genius gets you through the cold desert nights? Guess what? I’ll bet he/she thanks Bill Hicks on their album.

Get Rant in E-Minor. You will not be sorry. And say a prayer, read a poem, or yell at a pedestrian in memory of ol’ Bill, eh?

Apparently, acronyms are immune to standards and, indeed, organization.

“ISO (International Organization for Standardization) is the world’s largest developer of standards.”

Tsk, tsk. Clearly, they are only interested in double standards, as any web geek cringes looking at their table-laden, FrontPage code. Do what ISO says, ye quality controllers, not what they do.

It’s a similar sort of logic that has Amazon giving people entirely incongruous impressions of who I am.

Story below lifted from Applegeeks’ Emily Adamo:

“My baby brother turned 5 this St. Patty’s Day. Dude, that’s all of the fingers on one hand that’s had no accidents. He will proudly thrust his palm in your direction to demonstrate just how old he is.

He was opening some of his belated presents yesterday and and one of them was a big Superman figure and the other was a big Batman figure(from yours truly). I figured it was time to confront him with the question. Yes folks, THE question.

‘If there was a fight between Batman and Superman who would win?”‘
His little brow began to knit when suddenly, the light turned on. He turned to me excitedly and said…

‘ME!’

So, there’s a five year old’s perspective on the issue, folks. If Batman and Superman started fighting, my baby brother would show up and kick BOTH of their behinds.”

I ripped this stuff off from other people, but baby, its the best I can do. I want the kids to have a Christmas.

Stop making movies. We don’t need anymore.

You do not want to piss this woman off. I’m less afraid of a phone-wielding, shaven-head, drooling Bruce Willis than this woman. And I’m afraid of that other thing.

Please welcome Tazja Lovecraft to your blogging experience. And as much as she supposedly is in awe of my blog, she’s got way better material than I ever will.

I know her a little. She’s here. But soon, with any luck, she’ll be here.

The internet provides. You can now be at peace.

If that doesn’t work, try this. I find it calming.

And since today is my birthday, I authorize any of you to buy me this.

IM convo with alfalfa martini:

AM:heh heh….you lead a double life

SB: I’m like Batman, only poor and fat.

AM: so, does that make Clare Robin, or Alfred?

SB: Robin. I have sex with Clare.

Such beautiul cynicism and commentary. Steve Martin should be Poet Laureate.

I’ve added the fantastic Davezilla and some other new things to the sidebar. I’m not your slave, you know. Entertain yourself.

Also, this is about all I need to know about the Passion of Christ. And watching Monica Bellucci onscreen in ANYthing would explain why Christ was so passionate. How do you say “I’d like to say hello, but my tongue would try to jump into your crotch” in Aramaic?

..I post this here edited IM conversation I had with the Mighty Research Girl herself, Czelticgirl.

CG: I liked Mario ‘coz it was slow. And you could get extra lives really easily.
SB: Well, you can claim superiority there. I suck it up at that game to this day. I never got any extra lives.
CG: Oh, poo — I hope it’s not: http://www.nypost.com/news/regionalnews/20157.htm
SB: From the article, the evidence is pretty heavily in favor of the corpse being Mr. Gray.
CG: Yeah.
SB: Luckily, I know little to nothing about him.
CG: Look familiar?
http://www.artsandlectures.ucsb.edu/archive/2000-2001/perform/gray.htm
SB: Yes, but I’m not sure from where. I know I know him…
SB: He had a major role in a hard-core sex film,The Farmer’s Daughter he was billed under his own name and given extensive dialogue, making identification positiveeven though he later denied having appeared in the film.

–Special excerpt: I had no idea how that sounded until I just posted. I have not seen “The Farmers’ Daughter.” Still, that’s pretty damn funny. $50 says sales for that movie triple in light of his possible demise. It’s a sick world; I’m just trying to profit off it a little.

CG: Heh.
SB: Nickname: Spud or Spuddy.
CG: Now I know why he killed himself.
SB: You are going to hell.
CG: too harsh?
SB: Not for me, but I ain’t his mother.
SB: must have been rough enough growing up as “Spalding,” dontcha think?
CG: Oh, god. I can’t imagine. Cool when you’re older, but hell in grade school.
SB: People should be encouraged to change their names at 18. Get one name from your parents and pick one for yourself when you’re older. Sort of like Native American practices.
SB: Is Max Power taken?
CG: Hell yeah! But you know half the mindless sheeple would pick their favorite rock star’s name. ‘Coz in 1990, we needed 30,000 Axls.
SB: I want to be Beyonc?
CG: Can I be Snoop Dogg?
SB: You shouldn’t laugh at me.
SB: I don’t even think Snoop Dogg is Snoop Dogg.
CG: Fo shizzle.
SB: I believe he’s Calvin. Guess that leaves it open for you.
SB: Calvin Broadus. Who is 6’3″
CG: Dang.
SB: Oops. Birth name: Cordozar Broadus.
CG: Cordozar? Eep. Parents wanted a space ranger or Mexican outlaw, not a baby.
SB: Ah…That’s going on the blog.

Tada.