People won’t shut up about this. Included in “people” is my own home-making instinct. Precedents have been set in my life to deter me from marriage. My mother’s been divorced twice, many of my aunts and uncles have been divorced. My grandparents are from a time when divorce was anathema, and so have endured. I’m not afraid of commitment, I’m just afraid of marriage.

Then again, many of my friends are happily (?) married. Gay people all over the country are fighting for the right to be legally recognized in marriage. My engaged friends think of it as a boon and often are thrilled in the discussion of it.

But, honestly, what is the draw? I have never understood it, possibly for the reasons above. Before I go any further, I should state that this is not a criticism of marriage, married people, engagement, or engaged people. You have your reasons, I’m certain, and I know it is something that makes you happy. But I, without sarcasm, cannot understand how it would make *my* life any different.

I am not one for personal spectacle. While I am happy to share in those moments with my friends, I am uncomfortable with events in general. I find that the stress leading up to such things can outweigh the event itself. And if that’s true, then why would I do that to myself? Also, I find that many events (not necessarily weddings, but sometimes) are actually non-events. Like Ayn Rand or Mr. Incredible might say they are simply celebrations of conformity or mediocrity or the simple ticking of the clock. I’m up for a New Year’s bash like anyone, but I’m not going to stress about making it memorable. Memories come on their own, and often shy away from force.

Events which are truly events have significance outside of their date and their planning. A play is just a play, but a play that is the culmination of months of hard work, of commitment, and of a burgeoning sense of confidence, and maybe of self-realization is an event. Perhaps this is what draws people to marriage, or more specifically, to weddings.

What commitment I have made to my girlfriend (for lack of a better term) is personal to me. It does not involve other people. I need no symbol of that bond, much like I need no photo to remember something that changed my life. The record is to share with other people, and I understand that, but I am selfish of my love. Also, I am fond of the storyteling tradition. Rather than show a record of something, I would prefer to tell the story so that the person can understand my emotional attachment to it. And my memory is typically like a Xerox copy, anyway. Ask anyone who knows me.

So, (assuming the spiritual connection is already present) without an event, without a symbol, what is a marriage? A legal merging of two people for the purposes of custody and financial representation? Fair enough. But if something should happen to split my girlfriend and me, I would likely be emotionally wrecked. Why would I want to deal with the added trouble of legal and financial woes? A secular government really has no place in marriage, apart from determining custody, and so while I believe gay people should have equal rights when it comes to marriage, I more believe that marriage should be illegal, or more accurately, alegal.

As for children, that seems to be the sticking point for me. Eventually, I would like to have children with my girlfriend. But will it be more difficult for us or for the children if we don’t have that legal documentation of our spousal status? I’m not certain. It seems to work for Mil. We have discussed what names our children would have (probably mine), but the concept of marriage only really seemed to be a good idea when we were talking about insurance, particularly since she is currently in school and not working full-time. We were almost ready to head to the courthouse that afternoon and just get the damned paper.

I’ve been thinking about it for some time, as should be obvious, but I’ve yet to come to a conclusion. Even following her divorce, my girlfriend still sometimes thinks about having a nice wedding (her first was a disaster, to hear her tell it). Is my rationalization denying her something that would make her happy? Or is it better that I not pursue something so counter to my beliefs, even if my motive is to please her?

Regardless, it’s not likely to happen soon, if ever. Meanwhile, I will enjoy the open bars and dance floors my friends are providing.

So, there’s this guy. He works at my company and he’s well-liked by many people whom I have come to respect. I am baffled by this, but I cannot deny it. They believe him to be congenial, well-mannered, and — most astonishingly — competent.

I do not feel the same way. Allow me to elaborate. It will make me feel better.
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My friend and colleague, Tim McKee, is a finalist in this poster design contest for a wicked-cool series of games. Throw him a vote while you’re toolin’ around the web. This is your chance to use your powers for good.

Silent Hill Poster Contest: Voting and Judging

I’m way behind the times on this one. I know. I also understand that at this point, people have to be irritated with this thing (and thus never sent it to me.) But allow me to tell my story.

The high school stage combat troupe that I teach over the fall and winter got this dance tune rocking on the auditorium stage. Since I was chronicling this year’s troupe in documentary style, I decided to get footage of it.

The students were captivated by the pure joy of the tune. Combine that with my own feelings of euphoria over the way the show had gone and it made for child-like-in-their-purity memories, which is part of why I do the whole thing in the first place. Unfortunately, my adult decorum didn’t come down on the party as it should have, and the troupe was chastised for playing the song loudly over the auditorium speakers. Our group is known for its rigorous discipline, and I should have been more responsible and saved them (and me) from a tainted reputation, but such is life. Really, no harm done.

Still, this was my first exposure to the song. So to find the meme that no doubt started the whole nasty business brought lovely little giggles to my somewhat dampened spirit this week. Without further ado, I give you a small compilation of…

Numa Numa dance [Newgrounds embedded flash, opens in new resizing window, don’t panic, reload for multiple versions]
See also: The Llama Song. Or don’t. It’s entirely up to you.

Jonathan Coulton makes movies and songs, a thing a week. A very noble goal, so far with excellent results. Thanks to Czeltic Girl, her boy (Elroy?) and Keiko for keeping me informed.

Flickr movie
Baby Got Back

I reposted them on my site, but claim no credit for them. I’m just hoping to save Mr. Coulton some bandwidth and maybe have it load a little faster.

The Czelt is up for MKE Online’s blog of the week, as former winner Johnny Mack points out. Load up the votes with all your spare email addresses, won’t you?

Four things (proliferated from Czeltic Girl)

Four jobs you’ve had in your life: Photo developer, Dairy stocker, Hardware store clerk, Web programmer

Four movies you could watch over and over: The Princess Bride, Office Space, The Big Lebowski, Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels.

Four places you’ve lived: Milwaukee, Kenosha, Vernon Hills, Mt. Prospect

Four TV shows you love to watch: Mr. Show, Firefly, Buffy, Family Guy

Four places you’ve been on vacation: Boston, San Francisco, Boca Raton, Lake Tahoe

Four websites you visit daily: imdb, wikipedia, Guaranty Bank, flickr

Four of your favorite foods: Ice Cream, Cousins Pepperoni Melt, Burritos, Beef.

Four places you’d rather be: Home, a LAN party, band practice, a stage fighting workshop

Four albums you can’t live without: Under the Pink – Tori Amos, Apollo 18 – They Might Be Giants, Pretty Hate Machine – Nine Inch Nails, Weezer – Weezer … and many more, really. I’m not even much of a music buff, and I find this question unfair.

Four magazines you read: Oh. I don’t. Whatever gets left in a public bathroom, I guess.

Four cars you’ve owned: 1982 Ford Escort, 1987 VW Fox, 1996 VW Golf, 1995 Chevy Rumina

A friend emailed me this, but rather than pick and choose who to send it to and flood inboxes, I put it on my blog, where it probably belongs.

—

Change all the answers so they apply to you, and then send this to a whole bunch of people including the person who sent it to you. Put your name in the subject line. The theory is that you will learn a lot of little things about your friends:

1. What time did you get up this morning? 8:30 a.m., called (emailed in), went back to sleep and got up f’realz at 1.

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The Ho Brothers’ outstanding choreography, editing and ambition results in a wicked cool fan flick. I am jealous and inspired all at once, particularly in anticipation of the Winter Wonderland Workshop, where I will finally become a man. Sold out, SUCKERS.

Art of the Saber [google video, discovered at Screenhead]