Hell’s gonna have all the good albums. And, perhaps similarly, Liberals have the better T-shirts. Ugh.

For I, as a young lad, owned Boulder Hill. The envy of EVERYone, and no one but me got to touch it. The gas pumps eventually broke, but the rest was in perfect working order when I sold it at the garage sale OF MY INNOCENCE, wherein I frittered away G.I. Joe heroes, a remarkable MASK collection and a NES with 30 classic games (I had superb taste) for a few measly bucks. I don’t even remember what I bought with the money, but… I was a fool.

Still, I had it and you didn’t. Take that, Brian.

Enjoy some Snowmen drawn by Bill Watterson, and sent to me by an in-law of sorts.

… and it contains a price list for Viagra and Cialis.

Touché, spammer. I think you’ve hit on somethng there.

Chewbacca sings! [embedded sound], thanks to Dynagirl.

Recently, I received a phone call from an old friend. We knew each other in high school, but it wasn’t until after he had returned from his time in the Army that we became close. He came back to UW-Parkside and we began to hang out together on a fairly regular basis.

Don was (is) an artist. His freehand ability rivals even the greater comic book artists of the day, and he can finish a flawless character sketch in pencil in under ten minutes. His talent is peerless, and he is currently being discovered by major market comic book companies like DC Comics.

Our time at Parkside was like most people’s college careers, full of melodrama that made the good times seem eternal and unique. There were three of us eventually: Arman, Don and me. We were inseparable, despite the occasional throwdown. But Arman had the unenviable task of having to drive 40 minutes from his home in Racine in order to be around, so often it was just Don and me.

When Don got me a second job at the local arcade where he worked, we started conceiving big plans in the little cramped office where the tokens were exchanged. With my stories (I was a consummate storyteller in college) and his art, we had the opportunity to create some incredible work… and make boatloads of cash so we wouldn’t have to work for the pedophile who managed the arcade or kick drug dealers or underage gay lovers out of the disgusting bathroom.

So, I set about storyboarding for Don. I had five main characters.

• An army brat, Sophie Yakamura, who became a modern witch. Due to her hedonistic pleasure in excess, her comic hero name was Lush; her arch-villain at the end of the arc was to be her ambitious coven leader, Absinthe. Lush was my favorite, I think, and Don drew her frayed hip-hugging bell-bottoms with trailing fringe similar to the torn cloth renderings of my favorite comic book artist Sam Kieth.
• A reluctant Superman-type named Prime (real name unknown), whose powers came to him by means of a government experiment. Prime was going to become the leader, but be reviled due to his vanity and lack of leadership skills. A military-style leader with a bunch of teenagers spelled no fun for Prime*.
• A travelling alien who brings them all together under his arcane wisdom. Rockhopper (real name unknown) was a balding dwarf dressed in checked golf pants, a trenchcoat and no shirt, with a cigar always dangling from his Edward G. Robinson lips. While his outward appearance and demeanor was comical, his knowledge was near-infinite and he often alluded to things long before the characters encountered them. I may as well have called him Foreshadow. Rockhopper was not “on the team” per se, but he was their guide in dark times; his unfamiliarity wth the human condition, however, had him make the poor choice of putting Prime in charge.
• Aria, an overweight (not obese, mind) goth-girl (not sexy-nouveau-goth, but pseudo-hippie, black-velvet skirt with combat boots-goth, mind) with the ability to control emotions using her voice. Her real name was Molly Jensen. She was the heart of the group, sensitive and reluctant to use her abilities, as the emotions of others would flood into her own when she attempted to change them.
• And Glass, a frail but brilliant young black boy from a rough part of town. (Phil) Glass had the ability to channel electricity through his body and to control machines. He suffered however from hemophilia and was often hurt or hospitalized. Glass’ secret dream was to play basketball like his older brother, but he was shunned by his peers for his condition and his bookish demeanor.

So, while these characters may now seem a little “over,” you should keep in mind that I wrote them in 1998. Particularly Glass seems to have slipped into the universal consciousness, as M. Night’s Unbreakable villain. But, as I was writing this I realized that Lush could be a combination of O-ren and Sophie from Kill Bill (with a dash of Willow from Buffy) and that Prime’s initial storyline would follow something akin to River Tam’s.

Some would argue that I’m over-relating and trying to inflate myself (or my former self) into the equal of these fantastically successful people. Touché, but the above story is true and untouched. Perhaps my writing and follow-through are simply not good enough to convey such potent stories as powerfully as the creative monarchs listed.

Maybe, some would argue, those are simply standard comic book or sci-fi plots and characters. I certainly thought so at the time. But had I known I could have run with these stock ideas to fame and glory, I would have made Don finish more than the first couple of pages.

* – Later, in a seeming fluke, I played a character in a comic book RPG named Prime who was a sleeper agent of the government. He was the leader of his team, but rarely respected. His leadership style, however, was actually well-suited to his team. I think the other players were simply uncomfortable taking orders from me. Except Dave. Thanks Dave for making Prime into what he should have been, my favorite character to date.

Battling Terrorism.

Maybe I already do.

Appearance is everything to us, because we’ll get more of your money by looking cool than we will by doing quality work.

We do stuff. [OFN, requires reading]

Stolen (at least this time) from the infamous Dread.

Letters to Walken

Another to add to the list of dailies.

The Shape of Days