Well said. Well put. Well well.
There’s more to be said on this topic, truly, but I’m glad I am not alone.
The Midwestgrrl: Brrrrrrriinnngggggg!
Czeltic Girl: Sing it, Sister.
It’s similar to the mentality of whoever interrupted my restroom break just now. Our building has about three toilets available (one for each floor) for men’s use. Naturally, around lunch time, or the time just after, they see quite a rush.
As I sat, taking care of business, the door breezed open. Someone entered who likely had just found a different stall occupied. This happens frequently. The door opens and closes and disappointed men wait their turn elsewhere. This fellow, however, ruined the peace of the moment with an exasperated “Damn it!” followed by a long sigh. Then, for a few moments, stood in the restroom, as though I were even *able* to simply stop what I was doing to allow him to have a turn. Is his bowel health more important than mine?
Anyway, unrelated as it may seem, this is the still same thing that “phone people” don’t seem to understand. The person is imposing on your schedule and thus implying that theirs is more important. If you email me, I will likely respond within a few moments, and happily so. You are requesting a response in my own time, rather than in yours, even moreso than leaving a voicemail. If you have a question needs answering, just email. Fire and forget. If you call instead, I must put my life on hold to run and answer the call, which may end up taking anywhere from thirty seconds to several hours, depending if the caller wants to “catch up.”
Then, when I do pick up, if I have no excuse to not talk (say, I’m simply playing video games or watching Family Guy) I may be trapped on the phone by simple politeness.It’s difficult for anyone to say to a friend, “No, I haven’t got anything pressing really, but I’d rather not be on the phone with you just now. It’s nothing personal.”
When I call people, it is usually a last resort, because they have not answered the emails I have sent or because there is an urgency behind the communication which might not be properly catered to over email. I understand the imposition and try to get the business out of the way quickly. Additionally, phones are particularly ineffective for organizing multiple people for an event. Email can handle this REALLY easily.
Grr. Anyway, read the articles above. They handled this in a much funnier way. I’m just a grouchy old bugger.
I wonder, then, if we will all lose our voices in the future? It seems that people are reluctant to actually vocalize to each other, hating the phone and even *gasp* face to face conversations. We write blogs, we send email, we instant message, we communicate at our own leasiure.
A phone call means you can’t multitask. Oh my god, they are so selfish as to demand your attention for five minutes. How COULD they do that? Phone and face to face communicating do require more time, but isn’t that something that’s important to conisder? That they are coming to you, calling you, giving up their own time to seek you out, and you look at it as an invasion.
I answer phones for a living. I have to make a lot of calls. I get people saying that I’m “wasting their time” because I need to remind them not to throw hazerdous materieals (which people do) in the tubs. That’s two minutes. Two minutes where they can file their nails and say “yes, yes no” and hang up.
I don’t know – maybe I just value the connection people have with actual communication, instead of just this voice less, faceless form we are resorting to. But hey – to each their own.
Comment by Meg — 1/19/2006 @ 3:23 pm
You misread me. I love face-to-face communication. Just not phone calls. Remember BEFORE the phone, when people communicated with LETTERS? Those people before the 20th century were so inhuman and faceless and voiceless. ;)
And it’s not that they’re “wasting my time.” It’s that they get to choose when we talk, and I do not. By picking up the phone, I am entering into a contract to speak to them about whatever they happened to call about right at that moment. It is selfish, actually. They’re not calling me out of the goodness of their heart. They’re calling me because they want something from me, even if it’s only my “company.”
I do not get upset at people who call me; I just don’t pick up at all, unless I’m already at a point where I’m not in the middle of something. Often enough, interrupting someone’s day is not necessary.
You’re right, modern technology is dehumanizing, but don’t put that on me just because I don’t like to be interrupted by meaningless phone calls. Let me handle the meaningless in my own time.
Comment by steelbuddha — 1/19/2006 @ 4:31 pm
I entirely agree with SB. The phone is the pits, and face-to-face or email is the way to go.
I wrote a big cranky response, but erased it because it was lready covered…
Instant messaging is usually as obnoxious as phone calls, and so, in general, I can’t stand that either. It’s not difficult at all to check email at the beginning of the day, after work and before bed. It’s not. You could do it during the commercials of your regular asinine television programs.
Maybe that’s the whole thing. People are slaves to the TV programming schedule, so they make everyone they call slaves to what time is left of their pitiful day. Piss off.
Comment by Raggedy Android — 1/19/2006 @ 5:12 pm
Hey – I actually still write the letters too. I guess I’m just old fashioned. Phone calls, letters, my god, I’m practically obsolete!
Now I can understand annoyance if a phone call could have easily been remedied by an email. However, some things are more clear when expressed verbally. Some questions need clarification and some ideas are better expressed out loud than through email.
Also, no one is forcing you to answer the phone. Here, this is what you can do: unplug your phone OR put it directly to voice mail with a message that says “Hi, I’m currently busy doing important things ie – not wasting my time talking to you. So instead of using up my valuable time, use up yours and write me an email. Or leave a message. I’m much more likely to respond to email though, as I never check these messages.”
I’m sure people will stop calling you VERY fast.
Of course, not EVERYBODY has instant access to email these days, but really, who needs to talk to them? Psssh, honestly.
Comment by Meg — 1/19/2006 @ 7:34 pm
Actually, I agree with Meg for the most part. I haven’t read Midwestgrrl’s post because it is blocked from my office, but I have read Czelticgirl’s and yours.
I’m a terrible correspondent. Really. Terrible. Ask anyone who corresponds with me. And I go through fits and spurts with sending emails and whatnot and then another several months of feeling guilty because I didn’t answer whatever they sent me back. Granted this was even worse before email–I was a crappy letter writer too. BUT so much of the time people just don’t hear from me. I also HATE talking to people on the phone (with 2 exceptions, my mother and my aunt–and actually, even my mom can go on a bit long for my taste). I have to MAKE myself call people from time to time, knowing that I will never catch up any other way and hating to think that I would start to slip away from them if I rely on email and my shitty record in that department.
Further, sometimes it is nice to hear someone’s voice and make jokes and laugh together and feel a little closer that way. Maybe that doesn’t happen to you on the phone, but it has to me. Not every time, but hey, I’m older now and it’s harder to make me laugh anyway.
So, I guess that a lot of folks would just rather not hear from old friends (ones that live far away especially and can’t get “facetime”) than get phone calls these days, and I think that is sort of sad. And I hate to talk on the phone, remember? But some things are simpler over the phone:
It is easier to catch up on the phone. It is easier to apologize over the phone. It is easier to tell difficult news over the phone (and I don’t mean difficult for the person being called–try emailing everyone that you lost your mother today or something–yuck!). It is easier to “get the tone just right” over the phone. GOD I am soooo tired of reading every email over again and over again before I send it to make sure the nuances are correct.
PS I also Hate IMing. My husband is just fine with it. My sister lives on it. My son will probably have it installed in his head by the time he is a teenager. But I HATE it. Don’t see the point. Pick up the frickin’ phone.
Comment by Cate — 1/20/2006 @ 8:50 am
Meg, in your defiance, you’re not really reading my point. My point about letters: email is simply modern letter-writing, at least the way I do it. Therefore it is no more dehumanizing or voiceless than that medium. I have a voice in my writing and I’m sure you do. You said email was dehumanizing; I made a point about letters existing before the phone that you’re defending. Therefore it is not email, but people that are dehumanizing people. I am not some kind of tech junkie that says you are less than intelligent or prgoressive or whatever if you’re not “plugged in” all the time. I never even implied that.
Again, I’m not saying everyone needs instant access to email. If I have something pressing, I will call; and I expect a call when someone else has something pressing. Obviously, if it is important, then I will stop what I’m doing without anger or disappointment. But email can handle almost anything else.And I specifically said “It’s not that they’re wasting my time.” My point is not just a “FUCK YOU. I’M MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOU.” It’ the opposite actually. It’s a request: “Please don’t make your phone call a priority in my life it isn’t important. An email would be better.” I admit, I didn’t come off that polite in my post but you seem to be assuming all kinds of things about me that aren’t related to this.
Cate, I agree that some things should be handled with your voice, and sometimes you cannot meet face-to-face. My post refers specifically to calls that are unimportant. Possibly, like other men, I’m not really one who likes to “catch up” at all, much less on the phone, but I do see your point.
As for a phone solution, I really came up with one that works for me. I answer when I’m not in the middle of something; I don’t rush to answer. Otherwise, after checking my voicemail if the person tells me they need a call and why, I call back because they’re obviously near thei phone and waiting on me. Otherwise, I tend to email back.
I think the problem isn’t that people *need* phone conversations; we existed for centuries of civilized behavior simply writing letters and meeting face-to-face. Email, like letters, requires a little more forethought, which I like. Granted, most people have no etiquette when it comes to the internet, but the people with whom I have contact do. I think the problem is that many people don’t read or write for comprehension.
Meg, you haven’t responded to my points, really, just been up in arms about my opinion with which you disagree and made snide comments to that effect. I’m happy to discuss why I might be wrong, but I’m not going to become the “BANE OF ALL HUMAN-NESS” just because I choose to avoid phone conversation.
Comment by steelbuddha — 1/20/2006 @ 10:55 am
Wow. This has gotten unnecessarily cranky. Some people just don’t like phones. That doesn’t seem like a reason to get so up in arms. It’s nothing personal. Some people juggle geese.
As for me, I have no problems with people calling to catch up or when they just need a friend to talk to or when they want to make plans or whatever. Yes, by all means, interrupt what I’m doing. I love to hear from my friends. What I have a problem with is that most people now seem wholly incapable of grasping the concept that the person they’re calling may not be available to talk right at that moment. Everyone’s become so accustomed to getting ahold of the person they wish to speak with when they need to speak with them now that most people carry cell phones. No one wants to wait for a return call any more. Everything’s urgent.
And yes, I often just let the machine get it if I’m busy or just simply not in a mood to talk to anyone (a common thing for introverts like myself). If the message has some urgency, I’ll get back to the person ASAP. If it’s not urgent, I’ll return the call when I have the time or inclination to do so.
Comment by czeltic girl — 1/20/2006 @ 11:55 am
i just don’t answer the phone most of the time. i have to pretty much be doing nothing of interest to answer my phone unless the person calling is someone with which i actually enjoy wasting time. (note i said “with” not “on”)
it’s not the 1980s anymore where a friend calling you was this cool thing that lead to all kinds of enjoyments or hijinks. now it’s like everyone you know lives in the same house as you… but what you didn’t realize before is that you don’t like most of the people you know.
i have to say though, my favorite thing is when i’m playing a computer game, someone calls and i DO actually answer it. if it’s something important i go through with the conversation but if it’s not… then you learn a lesson about calling me about things that aren’t important.
that’s all for now.
Comment by MHG's asshole brother — 1/31/2006 @ 7:32 am