If I said, “This may not last for long.”
If I said, “I have my doubts.”
If I said I’ve lost myself within
I want to search without

If I left and you were wounded
If I had to say goodbye
If I made the choice to live for me
Is your heart obliged to die?

Does it matter that I love you
and will while I still breathe?
And the distance was the impetus
behind my choice to leave?

Not miles away but further
while lying hand in hand
It always was the space between
and never was the land

If I said, “I must stay firm here.”
If I said, “It is too late.”
Does that mean that I gave up too soon?
And how long should I wait?

If the shoe were on the other foot
If it were you, not me
Would your terms be more acceptable?
Would you pay a lesser fee?

I cannot ask my questions now.
I dare not plead my case.
For while I feel I must move on
I dread your fallen face.

And while I mourn you in my way
You are not dead at all
Not in my heart, not in my mind
Not in the scent of fall

I am not over you, my love
And I may never be
But while we are together bound
I feel we’re never free

You will not say when I offend
and it seems that’s all I do
And I remain eager to see
that better part of you.

Instead we live our mundane lives
from day to bitter day
we swap some stories to ignore
how fast we slip away

You think I am not hurting here
You think my heart is light
You think that when the chips were down
I was too weak to fight

Perhaps I am a coward or
Perhaps I have no shame
Perhaps I’m self-destructive
Perhaps I am to blame

But, now. From this perspective
We’re seeing things anew
Forgive me if I still believe
It was the thing to do.